This is Mike Mirano’s story of how Jesus is changing him.
I consider 2018 to be a year in which I was thriving. Thriving in every area imaginable. At the peak of my health and fitness journey, I had lost 100 pounds. I was excelling in Crossfit. I was strong. But this sense of accomplishment wasn’t just confined to the gym. I was flourishing spiritually as well. I was hearing from God, and seeing Him move all around me in insane ways. It was this physical health, and spiritual growth, that led me to move my family to Fort Worth in 2019. I had been wanting to move for awhile, but during this time I felt the Spirit nudging me to make the move sooner than later. I was so excited about the new challenges ahead, but I never imagined how much my life would actually change.
I've always said that I'm not much for routines, but when all of my structures were changing and rearranging I found it hard to be consistent with things that came so easily to me before. Habits and patterns that I had worked hard to instill in my everyday life were slipping away, and I was grasping for some type of normalcy. Because of my new work schedule I was unable to make it to the gym everyday. My eating habits began to change, basically just grabbing a snack between meetings but never really getting the nutrients my body had become accustomed to. When I got home from work my family needed me because I had been gone all day, and it was hard to devote time to anything other than them. So naturally, my time with the Lord began to change. I was spending less and less time with Him, and feeling a ton of guilt and shame because I was no longer living up to these standards that I had created.
I had all of these tasks in my mind, and I believed that if I could just start checking them off my life could go back to the way it was before we moved. I need to be more consistent in the gym. I needed to regain control of my eating. I needed to spend a certain amount of time reading my bible and praying. We needed to join a church, and get plugged in. But even as I attempted to check some of these things off the list, I still felt a huge disconnect. I didn't feel right. Why was it so hard to get back into a steady routine? Why were these things not making me feel any better? Why was I so exhausted?
Back in June, Pastor Ryan asked me and a few other guys to go through the Gospel Centered Life study. I didn't even have to think about it. Yes. This seemed like one of those things that I could check off of my list. We would meet every week and dive into a new chapter of the book and try get to the heart of our desires and tendencies and point each other to Jesus. And almost immediately the Spirit began moving, and changing my point of view. He revealed to me that I was living and believing in such a way that I was just trying to get Jesus to give me my idols instead of Him. Even in my prayers and "repentance" I was trying to manipulate God into doing things my way. True repentance wasn't happening, and hadn't been happening for some time. It had become more about me and less about Jesus. I truly believed that if I could just achieve these things on my list all would be ok. And while they weren't necessarily bad things, only Jesus can satisfy the longings of my heart. I was "doing too much and believing too little."
During one of our sessions, Pastor Ryan asked me what aspect of the gospel was sweet to me. He gave me a few examples, but one in particular stuck out to me. "It is finished!" I don't have to accomplish anything, or check off a list of tasks. It is finished. Jesus did the work on the cross. I was looking to everything but Jesus to satisfy my deepest longings. "Faith requires a continual rehearsing and delighting in the many privileges that are now ours in Christ.”
28 After this, when Jesus knew that everything was now finished that the Scripture might be fulfilled, he said, “I’m thirsty.” 29 A jar full of sour wine was sitting there; so they fixed a sponge full of sour wine on a hyssop branch and held it up to his mouth.
30 When Jesus had received the sour wine, he said, “It is finished.” Then bowing his head, he gave up his spirit. John 19:28-30
I have spent months striving and trying to gain something that is already mine. But in that moment, when God revealed to me, again, my great need for Him, I felt such relief. Like a weight had been lifted from me. Because it had. A weight that was never really mine to carry.
God doesn’t love me because of who am I am, but in spite of it. He is pleased with me, because he is pleased with Jesus.
This season has been tough to say the least, but also so sweet and life giving. Through it all I can’t help but feel deep gratitude. That even when I choose to live like an orphan, God is always there with a robe and a ring, inviting and drawing me back to Himself. I pray that the Spirit would speak to all of us in this season to stop trying to fix ourselves, and to turn Jesus daily for forgiveness and rest.
It is finished.
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