by Bob Thune & Will Walker
THE GOSPEL HELPS US FIGHT FAIRLY
As the gospel renews us internally, it also flows out of us to bring renewal to our relationships. Nothing is more common to relationships than conflict. If the gospel is not affecting the way we deal with conflict, then it's probably not touching us very deeply!
Think of the most recent fight you've had. Your behavior probably falls into one of two categories.
Some people are attackers. They like to be on the offensive. They place a high value on justice, so it matters greatly to them who is right and who is wrong.
On the other end of the spectrum are withdrawers. People with this tendency often find themselves on the defensive. They tend to avoid or ignore conflict and, when pressed into an argument, they respond in sullen silence or apathetic passivity.
These are typical ways we respond to disagreement, frustration, offense, or hurt. The fact that these responses are considered "normal" (i.e. natural) is a clue that they may not be biblical (i.e. supernatural).
A GOSPEL-CENTERED APPROACH TO CONFLICT
The gospel calls us to repent of our sinful patterns of attacking and withdrawing. And the gospel empowers us to move into conflict by faith, with a humble, confident, God-glorifying intentionality.
1. HEART FOUNDATION: Identify your tendency toward either self-righteousness or insecurity. Confess these things as sin, to God and those involved.
2. POWER SOURCE: Acknowledge what drives your attacking or withdrawing. By faith, affirm your trust in the power of the Holy Spirit to free you from these sins of pride and fear.
3. COMMITMENT: Communicate to those involved that you want to seek resolution.
4. DIRECTION: As you engage the person you are having conflict with, talk honestly and respectfully about your thoughts and feelings, and invite the other party to do the same.
5. FEELING AND GOAL: Talk about what it will cost each of you to resolve this conflict. Pray for God's will to be done (his glory and each other's good). Ask him to enable you to pay the price of resolution, thanking him for paying the ultimate price of death to resolve the ultimate conflict of our sinful rebellion.
