The following is an excerpt from the book "Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands" by Paul Tripp.
Moving From Casual To Life-Changing
You must identify entry gates in your relationships to move it "from a casual relationship to a life-changing one."
In everyday relationships, we tend to stay on the surface. We talk about weather, sports, news, and activities. But if we want to minister to people at a heart level, we must learn to enter their world—to understand their experience from the inside.
What Are Entry Gates?
Entry gates are not persons or problems, but a particular person's experience of the situation, problem, or relationship.
This is a crucial distinction. We're not looking to label people ("He's an angry person") or fix external problems ("She needs a new job"). We're seeking to understand how this particular person is experiencing their situation. What are they thinking? Feeling? Believing? Wanting?
You must seek to find where a person is struggling in the moment.
Four Identity Markers
Tripp gives four identity markers that help you find where the person is struggling:
1. Listen For Emotional Words
Pay attention when people express feelings: "I'm angry." "I'm afraid." "I can't stop crying." "I feel hopeless." "I'm so frustrated."
Emotions are windows into the heart. They reveal what a person values, fears, desires, and believes. When someone expresses strong emotion, you've found an entry gate.
2. Listen For Interpretive Words
Notice when people interpret their experiences: "This shouldn't happen." "I guess I'm getting what I deserve." "God must be punishing me." "Nothing ever works out for me."
These interpretations reveal how a person is making sense of their world. They often expose underlying beliefs—about God, themselves, others, and life—that may need to be examined in light of Scripture.
3. Listen For Self Talk
Pay attention to how people talk about themselves: "I am such a failure." "This always happens to me." "I'll never change." "I'm not worth loving."
Self-talk reveals a person's sense of identity. Often, people's struggles are rooted in a false identity apart from Christ. They need to hear who they truly are in Him.
4. Listen For God Talk
Notice when people bring God into the conversation: "I thought I was doing what God wanted." "How could God let this happen to me?" "Where is God in all this?" "I feel like God has abandoned me."
God-talk reveals a person's functional theology—what they really believe about God in the midst of difficulty. This is often different from their professed theology.
Entry Gate Questions
Tripp gives the following examples of entry gate questions:
- What are you struggling with the most right now?
- What are you feeling?
- What questions do you wish you could ask God?
- When you can't sleep, what thoughts keep you awake?
- What's the hardest thing about this situation for you?
- What do you find yourself thinking about most?
- If you could change one thing, what would it be?
- How are you responding to this in your heart?
These questions invite people to go deeper than surface answers. They communicate genuine interest and create space for honest conversation.
Three Ways Hearts Respond
If you do personal ministry in this way, there are three ways in which their heart will respond:
1. Horizontal Trust
When trust develops in the relationship, the person will open up even more. They feel safe. They sense that you genuinely care, that you're not judging them, and that you want to understand rather than fix them. This trust creates the foundation for deeper ministry.
2. Vertical Hope
If you help the person to see God as being in the midst of the pain or struggle, hope will arise. As you gently bring Scripture to bear on their situation, they begin to see that God is not absent, not punishing, and not finished with them. Hope in God's character, promises, and purposes lifts the weight of despair.
3. Commitment To The Process
The goal should be to just have another conversation. Don't try to solve everything in one sitting. Ministry is a process, not an event. When people experience your patient, ongoing interest, they commit to continuing the journey with you. They show up for the next conversation, willing to go deeper.
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Remember: The goal is not to collect information so you can tell people what to do. The goal is to understand people so deeply that you can help them see themselves, their situation, and their God more clearly. As they see more clearly, the Spirit works change from the inside out.
