(by Sam Storms)
Be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you (Ephesians 4:32)
Most of the ground that Satan gains in the lives of Christians is due to unforgiveness. It isn't hard to figure out why, once we realize that unforgiveness breeds bitterness, resentment, anger, unkindness, and even despair. Nothing is more important for us than to know what forgiveness is as well as what it isn't.
Five Myths About Forgiveness
1. Contrary to what many have been led to believe, forgiveness is not forgetting.
"Forgive and forget," we have been told by so many through the years. It's a nice saying, but highly misleading. God does not forget, notwithstanding what you think Jeremiah 31:34 is saying. This language of the prophet is metaphor, a word picture, designed to emphasize God's gracious determination and resolve not to hold us liable for our sin.
2. Forgiving someone does not mean you no longer feel the pain of their offense.
In most cases, the only way you can stop hurting is to stop feeling, and the only way you can stop feeling is to die emotionally. But passionless robots can neither truly love God or others.
3. Forgiving someone who has sinned against you doesn't mean you cease longing for justice.
Be certain of this: vengeance is not a bad thing! If it were, God would himself be in a bit of trouble. To long for justice is entirely legitimate, but to seek it for yourself is not. Let God deal with the offender in his own way at the appropriate time.
4. Forgiveness does not mean you are to make it easy for the offender to hurt you again.
They may hurt you again. That is their decision. But you must set boundaries on your relationship with them. True love never aids and abets the sin of another.
5. Forgiveness is rarely a one-time, climactic event.
It is most often a life-long process. However, forgiveness has to begin somewhere at some point in time. You may need every day to reaffirm to yourself your forgiveness of another.
Five Truths About Forgiveness
The apostle Paul said in our text that we are to forgive "as" God in Christ forgave us. The word "as" points to two things. We are to forgive because God forgave us. But we are also to forgive as or like or in the same manner that he forgave us.
1. God in Christ forgave us by absorbing in himself the destructive and painful consequences of our sin against him.
So what is forgiveness? It is deciding to live with the painful consequences of another person's sin. You are going to have to live with it anyway, so you might as well do it without the bitterness and rancor and hatred that threaten to destroy your soul.
2. God forgave us in Christ by canceling the debt we owed him.
The way we cancel the debt of one who has sinned against us is by promising not to bring it up to the offender, to others, or to ourselves.
3. Forgiving others as God has forgiven us means we resolve to revoke revenge.
This doesn't mean you cease desiring that justice be served. It does mean you refuse, by God's grace, to let the anger and pain energize an agenda to exact payment from that person.
4. Forgiving others as God has forgiven us means that we determine to do good to them rather than evil.
This may entail doing simple acts of kindness, like greeting them warmly, from the heart, or providing a meal when they are sick, or other routine acts of compassion or mercy.
5. Forgiving others as God has forgiven us means that we purpose to pursue reconciliation.
God did not stay distant from us but sent His Son to reconcile us to Himself. Likewise, we should pursue reconciliation with those who have sinned against us, even while leaving the timing and extent of that reconciliation to God's wisdom.
