this is a psalm by Randi Seitz, one of our former Redemption Group participants
God,
I confess that I have been living a life distant from you, hiding in shame, and controlling every little thing I could possibly control.
I have been looking for justification in my friends, my job, my future, and in every decision I face daily.
On most days, I trade peace for anxiety in trying to prove myself and rarely experience joy because there is always a new challenge for me to take on by myself.
But I have seen over and over that I am helpless without you.
Father, help me to be still in your presence.
Help me to see you working every day, to listen when you speak, and to remain obedient in you.
I surrender every part of my control and anxiousness over to you.
I pray that my heart’s affections would be set on you, and when I fail and want to fall back into being my own god, I thank you for your gentle forgiveness and love toward me.
Love that I know will never leave me or lead me astray.
I pray my eyes would always turn back to be fixed on you.
Thank you for your patience and for holding my hand through this process.
In Jesus name, amen.
At the beginning of this process, I was asked if I thought God was good. My answer was “I don’t know”. God felt distant and I did not understand suffering in my own life or in others’ lives around me. The idea of suffering brought so many questions and I wanted answers. Months later, I still have questions, but along with those questions comes seeking Him and delighting in Him.
Redemption groups didn’t bring healing. It didn’t make everything better, make the pain disappear, or erase the scars. But through this, the Lord has shown me that He is a much better God than me. Suffering will continue and relinquishing my need for control to God in those hard moments will be a process for me. But, this I know to be true, God is good. His goodness is not determined by my past mistakes, my singleness, my abusive relationship, my sickness, or by my job. Jesus died for me. Jesus forgives me. Jesus loves me. That’ll never stop being true. Therefore, He will never stop being good.
Other Psalms written by Redemption Group participants: