from Messy Beautiful Friendship by Christine Hoover
When we were young friendship happened to us. Believing that friendship will “just happen to us” is an immature perspective on adult friendship
The wish-dream of friendship is a hindrance to real, biblical friendship. When we hold an ideal of friendship in our minds, believing it's attainable, we hold a standard above the heads of the real men and women God has placed in our lives and then wonder why we’re constantly disappointed by the realities, complexities, and difficulties in our relationships.
People are not fillers for a present God and God is not a placeholder for future friends. The goal of biblical friendship is to secure ourselves to the sure, steadfast anchor of Christ and, while holding to that anchor, give and receive the gift of friendship in a way that brings him glory.
True friendship is not easy. In order to have healthy, biblical friendships, we must be willing to embrace the difficulty and accept that it is for our sanctification.
Our fears are threats to friendship. Friendship will sometimes hurt, but when we willingly work through conflict, knowing we are secure in the love of Christ, instead of deepening fear we will have deepening friendship.
Our insecurities and the assumptions we make about other men and women are threats to friendship. When we compare ourselves with others, we often think of them according to their secondary identities. These thoughts lead to actions that wound.
Self-preoccupation and entitlement are hindrances to friendship. We must be initiative-takers who seek out other men and women.
In order to discover and deepen friendships we have to take the risk of being vulnerable with one another. Vulnerability is the spark of friendship.
In order to discover and deepen friendships we have to be willing to push through our discomfort and initiate with others.
Inviting other men and women into our personal spaces is a resource we have to deeper friendship.
When we share our stories of redemption they become God-shaped tools for forging friendship.
In order to discover and deepen friendships we must make the necessary sacrifices of time, effort, and energy.
If we are men and women who enter a room thinking There you are! rather than Here I am! we quickly become influential friend magnets. We can’t be friends with everyone but we can use this influence to honor other men and women and connect them with one another.
Naming our friends is a form of remembering a marker for stewarding well the friendships God is giving us.
Learning to ask well-placed questions and listening carefully to another’s thoughts and emotions are skills that help us know others deeply.
Words are the essence of a friendship. We must be careful to use them well.
God gives us friendship for times of adversity. It is a joy to enter into a friend’s difficulty and minister to him/her.
We are not the Christ. We cannot always fix things for our friends. But we can always pray for them.
Other people don’t have the capacity God does, so we shouldn't expect God-like capacity from them.
A faithful friend is one who loves enough to tell the truth and does so carefully.
The primary avenue we have for representing God to people who don’t know him, people who don’t know anything about our true home, is through friendship.
We want to use our online presence to encourage, champion, thank, and connect with our real-life friends.
In order to receive and deepen friendships we must learn to ask for help from our friends.
We are wise to listen when friends bring faithful wounds.
Intentionally receive friends as gifts from God. Savor them and thank God for them.
Friends really are friends forever if the Lord is the Lord of them.