The following is an excerpt from the book summary of “Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hands” by Paul Tripp.
You must identify entry gates in your relationships to move it “from a casual relationship to a life-changing one.”
Entry gates are not persons or problems, but “a particular person’s experience of the situation, problem, or relationship.”
You must seek to find where a person is struggling in the moment.
Tripp gives four identity markers that help you find where the person is struggling:
Listen for emotional words. (I’m angry.” “I’m afraid.” “I can’t stop crying.”)
Listen for interpretive words. (“This shouldn’t happen.” “I guess I’m getting what I deserve.” “I wonder if it’s even worth getting up in the morning.”).
Listen for self talk. (“I am such a failure.” “This always happens to me.” “I don’t have what it takes to face this.”)
Listen for God talk. (I thought I was doing what God wanted.” “He simply doesn’t hear my prayers.” “How could God let this happen to me?”).
Tripp gives the following examples of entry gate questions:
“What are you struggling with the most right now?”
“What are you feeling?”
“What questions do you wish you could ask God?”
“Do you feel hopeless? Do you feel like God is asking you to do the impossible?” “Describe how you see God right now. What do you think he is doing?”
“When you can’t sleep what thoughts keep you awake?”
Listening is critical to the process because the focus is on the person not the problem. You are not to seek to solve the problem but to love the person. The person with the struggle needs to know that you have heard the struggle, that God is there in the struggle and understands it, and that you will stand with him/her. If you do personal ministry in this way there are three ways in which their heart will respond:
“Horizontal trust.”
If you truly care about the person and ask penetrating questions and exhibit love trust will develop. When trust develops in the relationship the person will open up even more.
“Vertical hope.”
If you help the person to see God as being in the midst of the pain or struggle that they are dealing with hope will arise in a seemingly impossible situation.
“Commitment to the process.”
In the first conversation with someone who is experiencing a struggle—big or small—the goal should be to just have another conversation. It is in the second conversation that a “commitment to God’s process of change” can occur.